Preparing for Change – Step 3

Fortune Cookie Wisdom

I have these little slips of wisdom all over the place!  Quite a few years back I started saving them and have a number of them plastered on the wall or stored in my card case wallet.

This morning while I was lying in bed debating whether or not to get up & go to the 6:00am torture fitness class I signed up for, I had several of those little slips running through my head.

Most notably was this one I got last August....

And this one I got last night....

The one I got last night has really stuck in my head.

I have a closet full of clothes that I wore once & then gained back enough weight to not wear them again in a couple of weeks.

It's this thing I've been noticing that I do.  I lose weight. Celebrate by buying new clothes....instead of eating chocolate cake.  And within a couple of weeks, go right back to my old comfy worn-in uniforms.  I watched myself do it again at the beginning of this year.  I had just started to take a closer look at it when my sister's accident happened.  Talk about extreme circumstances.  I really learned a lot about how I handle things!

Pringles.  Pepsi.  Chocolate Malt Balls.  Jack In The Box.  KFC.  Ben & Jerry's.

I held it together for a few weeks after the accident....and even after having the baby with me by myself.  But by the 4th week it was a free for all!  It was all I could do some days to not do laps through the McDonald's drive-thru!

It was going through this experience that really made me see how I respond to stress & crises.  I don't reach for drugs or alcohol.  I reach for food!  And the fewer nutritional content, the more I could eat of it!


So while I was lying in bed hitting the snooze button & resetting my alarm....these little gems of wisdom ran through my head like ticker tape...


TRY SOMETHING  NEW....TRY SOMETHING NEW....TRY SOMETHING NEW ....NEW....NEW....NEW....


For me, at this point in my fitness program, trying something new would be to get up out of bed & go to class....instead of lying there thinking about it.


I think I will also try visualizing myself in the cute clothes that I have in the closet, that way when they do fit, not only will they feel comfortable....but I will feel comfortable in them!!

Preparing for Change – Step 2

Breaking the All-You-Can-Eat-I-Have-To-Get-My-Money’s-Worth Binge Eating mindset....going from quantity to quality.

As someone with a compulsive eating problem, keeping food in the house is cause for high anxiety.  I’ve experimented with grocery shopping in the past....and almost always end up eating the entire box of cereal in 2-3 days....or a week’s worth of PB & J sandwiches in a day.  Or worse....throwing away $20 worth of fresh fruit & veggies....or halibut....because I don’t take the time to figure out what to do with them.  It’s much easier to grab fast food or go out to eat....plus it allows me to be social.

HA!!

All that’s really helped me do is accumulate eating partners instead of cultivating friendships, while spending more money on top of the fresh food I have to throw out.

A big part of this is my lack of planning or sticking to a schedule.   Here’s a chart I made on 06/01 last year when I started really taking a look at things....

An even bigger part is not taking time out for myself.

I bought a kayak in Oct 2009.  I even made a sweet cart for it…darn kayak is like 60#!  Have I taken it out yet?  NOPE!

I mentioned getting a fishing pole to my sister & she bought me one for my birthday last year.  Guess where it still is....

Yup….hasn’t moved from the spot where I put it after the BBQ.

What’s wrong with me?!?!   Why can I spend so much money on food and wasting it....but I won’t take the time out for myself?!?!

Well that’s what this summer is all about!

Slowing down….focusing on me….(even as I type that I feel guilty for being selfish!)….figuring out what the next step after breathing is….and spending more time preparing food that’s going to nourish my body & soul (I feel cheesy typing that).

If I put half as much thought, effort, and love into preparing food for myself as I do for my bowling league, I should be pretty well set!

Well....I just have to remember to leave out the bacon!

Preparing for Change - Step 1

Stop saying "I will do that after I lose weight...."


If I continue to use that as an excuse, then I will miss out on living life.


I've had various "couch potato to 5K" websites bookmarked for the past 5 years in the hopes of getting around to actually doing them.


Well....here we go....

If anyone wants to join me....http://www.redwoodsmarathon.org/

Realizations of a Fat Girl

I don’t know how to be thin.

As I was running the indoor track in fitness class this morning….that’s right….RUNNING!  Ok, so I didn’t run the entire half mile, but I did run at least 3/4 of it!!  And as I was imagining myself flying around the corners of the track, I realized that I don’t know how to be thin. 

I haven’t been overweight my entire life, but I have always been the “fat girl”….at least in my mind I was.  If I think back to when I started to see myself that way, it would probably be 4^th grade.  In fact I know the exact picture that sums it all up for me.  We were on a class field trip to the San Buenaventura Mission & my mom snapped a picture of me sitting on a wall…my gouchos pulled tight across my roly poly belly.

I was 9.

As I got older, I slimmed out a little....but I always had big thighs….and I never saw myself as being “thin.”  Even when I was leaning a little toward the anorexic side during my sophomore & junior year….I was still the fattest girl in school.

So here I am….20+ years and 150+ pounds later.

I’ve lost weight several times before, but always ended up putting it back on….and then some!!

I don’t know how to be thin.

It scares me.

I don’t know how to be the girl that can wear clothes off the rack.  Or sit comfortably with her legs crossed.  Or have someone….usually of the opposite sex….give me a compliment and not feel like they are only saying it because they want something from me.

Being fat is safe.

But it can also be miserable and uncomfortable and even a little lonely.