Redeeming the Executioner

In another life I was an Animal Control Officer.  I campaigned really hard to get that job.  There were lots of tests and interviews.  I scored high in the first round, but they hired someone with vet's office experience.  I didn't have any experience other than my own love of animals.  Well, I should really say my mother's influence for taking in the wounded & strays :)


About 6 months after the first interview, I got a call back for another interview.  I had already taken a long term assignment as a temporary employee with the City of Ventura in the Accounting Department, which I readily gave up for the chance to work for Animal Control.


It wasn't an easy job.  And being the new kid, I got stuck with a lot of the crap work & shifts.  We all had to do our 2 week rotations with the various tasks.....overnights, kennel, quarantine, vet's office, and my favorite ::read with a facetious smile:: the barnyard.  I didn't mind the horses, chicken, llamas, or even the dead blotted sheep that I had to transport with out exploding....but the goats were another story.  Those fuckers were mean!


We also had to do our 2 week rotation in the "green room."  That's where the euthanizing took place.


For the most part, it was a happy room.  Well, we tried to make it a happy room.  Some senior officers liked music, some like quiet, some liked others to stop by, and some just wanted the 2 of us in there.


Being the newbie, it was my responsibility to hold the animals for the injections.  Dogs got a main line in the front right leg.  Cats got a belly shot.  The one thing they all got when I held them was unconditional love.


It's been 20 years since I had that job.  The memory of the first animal I cradled in my arms as it passed is still as vivid as the moment it happened.


On any given day during the spring, we euthanized 75+ animals.


I have this particular knack for pissing people off.  And apparently I pissed off the director's girlfriend.  I started to notice that I kept getting worse & worse assignments, and I spent more than my fair share of time in the "green room."  My husband at the time lovingly called me the Executioner.  Odd thing is, to this day, I remember most of the animals that I euthanized.  Although none stick out in my head as much as the large white samoyed-mix that he used to play with when he would come keep me company when I got stuck out in the BFE office in Simi Valley. 


I cried quietly into the dog's neck as I held his arm out for the injection, and whispered words of love into his ear as he went limp in my arms.  I carried his 70+ pound lifeless body to the freezer by myself and carefully placed him in the 55 gallon drum.  I visited him a few times as he sat waiting for the D&D truck to come pick up the drums.  I dreaded going home & telling my husband that his playmate was gone.


I don't recall too much more about the job after that day.  In fact, I got fired.  I got my 3-month evaluation almost 2 months late, but it was still within the 6-month time frame where they can let you go for any reason & don't have to tell you.  Considering I was in the minority....being one of 3 heterosexual females in a department that was pre-dominantly not and was 95% female....it didn't surprise me.  Especially since I continued to piss off the director's girlfriend.  I don't do "office politics" well :)


What brings up all these memories?  I have decided to volunteer with our local Humane Society. I started orientation & training yesterday.  I didn't expect to be hit with such overwhelming emotions walking through the facility.  It was definitely a strange feeling.  


I was talking to my friend about it & realized that I had stayed away from this type of situation all these years.  I suppose there's lots of things that I could have chosen to volunteer for....but this feels right.


Part of the healing process <3